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Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 1 Recap

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impin aint easy

Episode 1 of the new season left me kinda “eh” although it did provide some comic gold/rapidfire email banter from Sir Chad and myself:

SIR CHAD:
“Davos!!… wait, gimme one second bro *moves risk gamepiece*…..so not dead huh? Great. What’s that? You don’t like Melisandre? Yeeeaaa, we’re gonna have to go ahead and send you to the dungeons…”

DRAMATIC ANNIE:
“Those guards were here the WHOLE TIME??? Watch out for my scabby skin! It’s in the healing process! Stannis, you were my best friend!!!! Remember how we used to laugh about raping and pillaging? The beach bonfires where we did human sacrifices (and/or drank beer out of a cooler and played hackey sack)?” *does fat man cry*

SIR CHAD:
Sansa: Since t.v. isn’t invented yet let’s make up stories about people on boats
Shae: Honestly, I’d rather be having sex for money right now…

DRAMATIC ANNIE:
Tyrion: So seeing as I’m trying to get your attention, I’d REALLY like Casterly Rock please. Or your love. Or Casterly Rock.
Tywin: Over my dead body, Midget. I have no problems with your brother and sister boning and producing effed up heirs for King’s Landing but I’m going to be incredibly hypocritical right now about your use of whores. Reeeeeeeeeally don’t like you. Buh bye.

SIR CHAD:
Jon: I pledge my allegiance to the king beyond the wall
Tormund Giantsbane: I’m not the king
Mance: I’m the king
Jon: oh….. I thought you’d be taller. Awkwaaaard…

DRAMATIC ANNIE:
Mance: Thanks for killing my brother. Rut roh. Shocked that he was my brother? Not sure whether I’m going to kill you or not now are you. Don’t let the dude with the big, sharp axe behind me distract you.
Now, let’s get you out of that black cloak that smells like piss into a gray cloak that smells like piss.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand none of this is funny if you don’t watch the show…



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